Had to put down my dogs to day after school. I am extremely sad and the house feels so strange without them in it. They have been apart of my life for 12 years. They were in pain and it needed to be done, but it still hurts. 

I was there when they were put down, but now I wish that I did not go because it was to hard. The memory is to hard. They went very quickly and felt no pain, but it was very hard to watch them die.

Bailey was the first dog we ever got, my mother got it after she split with my dad. he was there for my mom through everything. I hated watching my mom cry and constantly apologize to Bailey and thank him for being there for so many years. 

I’m going to miss them so much, but they are better now and will always be with us because their place is here.

You know, I have assumed many things. I assumed that my friends would stand up for me. I assumed that my brothers would stand up for me. I assumed that they would do this when no one else would and when I can not go to my parents. I was wrong.

My one brother only cares what his friends think and does not give a shit about what they have to say about me or what others have to say about me. In fact, he lthinks it’s funny.

My other brother is a push over, who can’t stand up for himself, let alone me.

My friends tell me that it is my fight and that I am on my own. They do this even though I am always the one who listens, always the one who fights for them and always the one who will help.

I feel so alone right now.  Maybe if I had not been trying to be such a good friend instead of needing a friend, then I would at least have help from my friends. I have never told my friends my problems, what makes me sad, shit that happens at home and when I am hurting. I regret this now. Too late now to start because they are too wrapped up in their own worlds and their own problems.

I wish that I had one person stick up for me, so I would not be alone.

Lesley Livingston’s new and fantastic book cover. Here is a little bit about the book:

When Mason Starling rescues an unconscious young man from the ravages of a terrible storm—and he rescues her from the otherworldly creatures lurking in that storm—little does she know her whole life is about to spiral dramatically, mystically out of control. Someone is trying to kill her, someone else is trying to use her, and the only one who seems willing to help her is the tantalizing, dangerous stranger who can’t even remember who—or what—he is. All he remembers is his name: Fennrys Wolf.

What Fennrys doesn’t know is that, thanks in part to his past actions, a crack has appeared in the barrier between the mortal world and the Beyond Realms. The crack has opened up a nexus of dark energy in the middle of the East River and it’s attracting the attention of powerful entities on both sides of the rift.

Because of that, a longstanding truce involving the members of several ancient underworld cartels is now in jeopardy. Mason, Fennrys, and the students of elite Gosforth Academy—a neutral-ground “safe haven” for children of the Families—soon find themselves caught in the crossfire as the servants of the warring pantheons fight to see whose gods come out on top…and whose demons go down in flames.

Set in New York City, with all its dark, gritty sparkle, the STARLING saga explores the spaces between the worlds and the realms of the ancient gods… only a heartbeat beyond. It’s a tale spun from ancient mythologies—Norse and Greek and Egyptian—filled to the brim with adventure, danger, and romance, and played out against the backdrop of a city with its own siren-song.

If you have not read one of her books, I highly recommend that you check them out. Lesley takes you to a completely different and unique world with each of her novels. Once you start reading you will not be able to stop because you will be sucked into her fictional worlds.

You can check out her blog here:

http://lesleylivingston.blogspot.com/

Okay so I saw that my brother searched his name at urbandictionary.com. What it had to say amazed me, it was so gross and rude and just further stroked my brothers ego. I started to wonder what it would say about my name so  searched it. It was a lot of stuff saying that Caitlyn’s are gorgeous, pretty and men see you they will say “Damn that is one fine girl, she must be a Caitlyn”. It truy made me augh, but there was one that I kinda liked, it seemed truer than the other ones. This is what it said:

Caityn

Oh my gosh this is the best thing I have ever seen!

I have really started to notice that more and more People are falling for Doctor Who. I am seeing many people commenting on it and there are topic forums too. i had never heard of Doctor Who until November 2010, so it is kinda weird to hear about it all the time. I really think that Doctor Who is at it’s biggest peak right now.

New years always feels bitter sweet to me. A huge part of me wishes that I was in a country or a place where I would not hear a single thing about new years. Then it will just happen, I will know that it happened, but won`t feel the stress. It is really hard to explain, but it makes sense to me.

The good about 2011: I made new friends and got closer to people I sorta new. Met my fathers biological family. Went to Alberta on a exchange with the YMCA. I got closer to my father. Admitted to myself that I am attracted to women, just like I am attracted to men. I fell in love with Korean and Taiwanese dramas/movies. Started watching many old and new tv shows. Came to terms with certain things about myself. Got a new dog. Changing for the good. Discovered acting. Danced like a bloody fool at Anime north. Turned 16. Got my G1. Found many new animes/manga. Went to Cirque Du Soleil with my mom and nanna for my birthday. Discovered legend of Zelda. There is more I`m sure.

The Bad about 2011: The tsunami in Japan. My grandmother died. My dog died. I am drifting apart from my mother and there are so many things that I can not tell her. My hair is blonde. Bad mouthed a girl via email. Made a lot of mistakes. Did not get a new job, so am stuck in the same awful job. Have an awful new boss. People died in the area. God there is so much more, but the list would be huge, so I rather stop here.

New Years Goal: Never forget who you are. Always feel beautiful. Take chances.

This month  have done many cool things, such as speaking at a breakfast for free the children, participating in my first play and doing very well, babysitting, going back and forth between my mothers house and my fathers house, hanging out with friends, spending an entire day playing a video game, working on final culminating activities and finally taking a break from it all.